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98 lb women + Ford Excursions

47 comments

Why the 98-lb women? Ford excursions suck all by themselves. I'm so happy all the idiots that bought SUVs are stuck with higher gas prices. Assholes.
Those things should be taxed like the CARS they are, not the truck/work vehicles they aren't.

Posted by paul on 05/08/01

I could tell ya why the 98-lb women suck
Posted by DFA on 05/08/01

Perhaps Ford should add a "booster seat" the the Excursion; at least then the drivers could see all the accidents they've caused. Oh, wait... The driver is still on the cell phone - nevermind.
Posted by peon on 05/08/01

Do what I do. By a router bit for your cordless drill and fuck their tires up. Sooner or later they will cease to drive them.

Viva La French Toast!

Posted by PD on 05/08/01

My feelings exactly! I would have to blame women driving these things for the price of gas as well.
Who the hell are they talking to on the cell phones?!
Where are they going at 8am?! Obviously not to work, like the rest of us.
I actually had one of these c*nts throw a water bottle at me after cutting her off. They throw about as well as they drive, missed me by a mile......ha!

Posted by hates Stupid Useless Vehicles on 05/08/01

At $3 a gallon, fillups run $132.
Virtue is it's own reward.

Posted by ElMartillo on 05/08/01

they don't suck...they are inferior (both the 98lb women and the SUV's)
Posted by techpro on 05/09/01

I'm sensing a lot of envy around here. You all must be the 200+ pound lardasses I see pulling up to the all-you-can-eat chinese buffets in their tiny Geo Metros. Get a life. If you can't afford one(or the gas), go away and leave us alone.

Oh, I want one of those "I'm changing the climate" bumper stickers. They're very cool. So all you taggers just look for the black Lincoln Navigator hauling my two kids around Wayzata. Chow!

Posted by Janey H. on 05/09/01

Thanks for the tip, Janey. I've used up most of my stock in the Edina area, but I'll save one for your Navigator.
Posted by dack on 05/09/01

Hrm. I'm thin and attractive and I eat well and drive my child to daycare in a Camry, decreasing the odds of a variety of negative effects. And groceries and ballet shoes fit well in the back seat or the trunk. What is an argument *for* purchasing an oversized vehicle? Increasing passenger safety also increases non-passenger risk. That's not a good thing. So I'm not sure what the other pros could be, for a 98lb woman, of course...
Posted by Ashley on 05/09/01

Geez Janey, I'd think a mother would be a little more concerned for the state of the environment her children will have to live in in the future.

What a shame...

Posted by Dakota Paul on 05/09/01

Hey Janey,

Nice to know someone like you is breeding.... You obviously don't give a shit about anyone other than yourself.....Why don't you pop out a few more babies and fill up your gas guzzling death wagon.

Brag all you want about your SUV and how envious everyone is about it (I'm sure your husband bought it for you anyway)

Posted by Comidoki on 05/09/01

If any one reading this lives in South Orange county California they will see this combination so frequently that an out-of-towner will think that the Excursion is included in the rediculously high Home Owners Association fees. And if anyone matching the above description is reading this I think the 10 year old needs to be picked up from soccer practice and the 2 year old needs his diaper changed.
Posted by kapt napalm on 05/09/01

oh and BTW the french term for "goodbye" is spelled 'caio' not 'chow' i guess we know whats on your mind huh? so much for being 98 lbs? I think you forgot a zero somewhere.
Posted by kapt napalm on 05/09/01

Nice try, Brainiac.

Oh and BTW, the ITALIAN term for 'goodbye' is 'CIAO'.

I don't know what's worse, using 'chow' or correcting the chow-user with the pseudo-french term 'caio'....

Posted by Smarty Pants on 05/09/01

You know, every time I go on vacation, I see one of these babies crashing in _real time_. So eventually there will be no more SUVs.
Posted by Timmy on 05/10/01

french term for "goodbye" is "au revoir"; we say 'ciao' as well, (after spaghetti) or even 'bye' (after bigmac).
Posted by log on 05/10/01

I noticed that SUV-crash ratio thing this winter too - we got a huge amount of snow here (Ontario) and every time I drove during a heavy snowfall, I would see at least one SUV in the ditch, usually upside-down. I passed three of them in one day along one 60 km stretch of highway once. I think people in those things genuinely feel like they're invincible, or that 4WD means they can drive like normal in any conditions. I can't confirm whether they were male or female drivers, though... sorry.
Posted by wright on 05/10/01

Just keep it in your own lane.. K?
Posted by Trish on 05/10/01

Oh my, lighten up you guys. You people take yourselves WAAAAAY too seriously. What's with all this hysteria about SUVs anyway? Yeah, that's what's wrong with this world - I drive a Navigator. Fine. I'll trade it in for a camry, OK? There now, will that make all you granola-heads happy? Oh wait...I can't pull the boat up to the cabin with a CAMRY! I guess I'll have to keep "changing the climate!" Ciao - I've been brushing up on my French ;)
Posted by Janey H. on 05/10/01

Seriously though, I don't make my vehicle purchasing decisions based on courtesy to others. I make them based on a number of other factors:

1. what I LIKE
2. what I can afford
3. what is safe for ME and my FAMILY(not some drunk who swerves across the lane and hits us head-on.

When I buy a vehicle, I want MASS. My priority is the safety of my kids. I have never been in an auto accident nor have I ever received a traffic ticket...and I'm sorry if this offends your sensibilities, but if someone hits me, that person's well-being is way down the priority list.

Don't tell me what to drive - I don't do it to you.

Posted by Janey H. on 05/10/01

Crap, I meant Italian.

Bring it on, Dack! By the way, I love your site. I'll shut up now. :)

Posted by Janey H. on 05/10/01

Janey, lets keep the lame-ass posts defending your gas guzzing M1 Tank-for-Civilians to one a day. And its nice to know that in the *rare* event that you make a mistake and cause an accident. That whoever is in your way will be crushed by 100 tons of good-ole American Steele
Posted by Scientifik on 05/10/01

Just so you know, Janey, more mass does also mean you can't stop as fast and will plow through all those guardrails that you didn't see while you were talking on your cellphone instead of being stopped like a normal car.

At any rate, I just saw a stretch Excursion Limo down at the corner of Santa Monica & Sepulveda in Los Angeles. I wept.

Posted by Your Mom on 05/11/01

Fuck you and your stupid SUV. I hope you burn in it bitch!
Posted by fu on 05/11/01

Gee Janey, good for you. It is all about you and your kids, after all. It'll be a pleasure to be killed by you.
Posted by surface scratch on 05/11/01

Wow, I didn't know that 98lb women existed in the US!
Posted by Urban Commando on 05/12/01

Janey -- funny how you listed "what I LIKE" well ahead of your family's safety, not that doing so could possibly bely your real reason for piloting that behemoth. Funny how car companies, after realizing they could get around fuel-efficiency laws with SUVs, reassigned their most talented designers & engineers to thier SUV depatments to ensure that their "off-road" offerings would be more attractive to people like you than cars. And by the way - having vehicle with a lot of mass perched high up isn't probably the way to go, and chances are your vehicle's crash-test rating isn't significantly better than any wagon in the same price range.

It's good to know, however, that you don't make vehicle-purchasing decisions "based on courtesy to others." Might I inquire as to what decisions (if any) you DO consider courtesy to be a factor in in any way? Using your turn signal, perhaps?

I'm glad you can afford a nice SUV and the gas that comes with it, and I'm sure you haven't once complained about escalating prices and hoped the president you voted for hasn't done enough to keep them down.

Maybe it'd be safer if you and your kids just walked everywhere...

Posted by drywall on 05/12/01

I am red neck hippie. I love my pick up truck mainly because i can haul stuff in it, like tools and lumber for my job, but i also like the fact that the 8 foot bed serves as a perfect receptacle for crushed beer cans. In order to get better gas mileage, I bought me a V-6 instead of a V-8. Al Gore can kiss my ass. He is a weak little worm of an ass kissing politician, but the environment is all we got and therefore I am apposed to every soccer mom on god's green earth tooling around in a big fat truck for no other reason that it is fashionable in the same way as the Jcrew sweater that they paid too much for.
Posted by Red Neck Hippie on 05/14/01

I hate the navigators and escalades with the brush guards and pseudo-ram bars on the grilles. Like some pinhead yuppie dipshit would spend $50k+ on one of those behemoths and take it offroading. Oh wait, 5000 pound vehicle, 190 HP, no 4WD, no limited slip, you CAN'T go offroading. Why?

IT'S A BIG GODAMMNED STATION WAGON! ACCEPT IT!

Fucking stupid pinhead yuppie assholes refuse to acknowledge that they have kids and need to grow up.

Posted by Canyonero on 05/14/01

I have an F-150. V8. 4WD. Towing Package. I use it. Pull the boat. Snow. Off road. Name it, the truck has done it. Anyone who has tried to drive a vehicle that size realizes something: you need the power to move it. An economical 4 cylinder from a Geo metro will not move an F-150.
There is no excuse for the Excursion. It's a big damn station wagon. And all the 98 pound moms with one kid and the 35 something dads with the papa bear mullet need to accept the fact that it is not cool. Particularly when it's 2WD.
And to everyone putting off-road gear on your Escalade, Navigator or Mercedes SUV: STOP IT. You look like a fool. You don't need it. The closest any of those cars have come to dirt or will ever come to dirt is the little bit that fell out of the pot your kid hand made in nursery school.

Posted by Mike Hunt on 05/17/01

Now that I think about it, I'm quite sure the deterioration of my parents' marriage coincided with when my dad bought, no, LEASED (brilliant) a Dodge Durango. *spit*
Posted by DivaCNFP on 05/22/01

Best Colorado vehicle is my buddy's Cummins Turbo Diesel pick-up. Up to the Eisenhower Tunnel full speed, passing everybody on the hill. Stable in snow as well, laughing at the SUVs off the side of the highways. Laugh it up, yuppies! If Janey's so concerned about the mass of her family's vehicle, she should learn how to drive better.
Posted by Pope on 05/31/01

Iíll add in my 2-cents on this one! I live in Orange County where surface streets and freeways are the norm. A place where SUVís are NOT NEEDED! Big SUVís like the Ford Expedition/Excursion, Chevy Suburban, and Hummers are in plentiful supply. They are big, expensive, status-symbol, gas-guzzling, monsters! People who own are selfish jerks who only think of themselves.
Posted by Janet Elmer on 06/01/01

Easy rule... if you don't go off-roading, DON'T BUY A F*CKING 4-BY!!!
Posted by happy flowers on 06/08/01

Janey, have you heard of the Darwin Awards? It's when you remove yourself (and in your case, probably your offspring) from the gene pool due to your stupidity. I'm waiting on the day.

J

Posted by J on 07/03/01

The Ford Excursion (and all other SUVs) are the top choice of transport for insecure, sniveling, egotistical assholes across America. You'll never take it off-road, you'll never carry more than 2 people in it, and you use its size to bull your way around traffic, sipping at your bottled water and gabbing on your fucking cell phone. Wake the fuck up, America! Gimme an Audi sport wagon for true sport and utility.
Posted by mark on 07/05/01

By the by...Janey...well, you just plain suck
Posted by mark on 07/05/01

You are all stupid, stupid people. I am sad for myself that I have had the unfortunate experience of reading your posts and I now weep bitterly for our society because of you. You should all go chain yourselves to Ford Excursions if you are so passionate about how dangerous they are. Then you would be considered by me to be useful human beings.
Posted by Happy on 09/02/01

Happy-
Go piss up a rope. Damn dirty hippie.
You drive a Geo Metro, don't you? Oh, that's real safe.

Posted by Cunning Linguist on 09/20/01

I live in Moscow (Russia) and love to drive my For Expedition. Lot of cars giving me a way just seeing me in rear-view mirror.
Posted by keeper on 10/06/01

I think you all need to quit your crying and whining about big SUVs. Just because your poor dumb ass can't afford one doesn't instantly mean you have to run out to some web site and cut them down. I ended up here by accident (while searching for a Licoln Navigator Limo)and this is pathetic!
Posted by About to run over your ass!! on 10/24/01

To all Yuppies and soccer moms who like to gab on the cell phone while running over helpless motorists and pedestrians,

You know, people like you are lucky that you aren't in shackles! It's all about you. You bitch and moan about the lawmakers that are getting smarter and getting medieval on your asses by passing laws that bans any use of the cell phone in the car unless using hands-free or headsets, saying that it's an infringment of your constitutional rights while at the same time you degenerate assholes step on everyone else rights with the same lame ass excuse saying that "it's for our children". I'm talking everything from music to video games to movies that you people are trying to get rid of by whining to your congressman or suing the hell out of some store or record/movie/software company because you don't have an idea on how to manage your child! And as for those big SUVs like the Expedition, Excursion, Escalades, and Eskimos. These monstrosities need to be banned and scrapped to make room for better looking sports cars and gas efficient cars that us people like to drive. My point is, if you yuppie dumbasses are trying to be role models for your children, why not show your kids how to run over a group pedestrians and crush a group of motorists with that big monster truck wannabe SUV while jabbering on your cell phone making usless calls!

Posted by MasamuneX2001 on 11/03/01

Everybody needs to just hang up and drive. I HATE when I see almost every other driver on the road with a freakin cellphone jammed in their ear.
Posted by RyaN on 11/07/01

u are all jealous cause you cant afford an excursion cause i have a diesel one and actually get 18 miles to a gallon asswhole and i know how to drive it straight up your ass. So you can all just get out of my way and let me run you over.
Posted by fuck u on 02/15/02

u are all jealous cause you cant afford an excursion cause i have a diesel one and actually get 18 miles to a gallon asswhole and i know how to drive it straight up your ass. So you can all just get out of my way and let me run you over.
Posted by fuck u on 02/15/02

stop your bitching SUVs are cool and so are cars. leave it at that
Posted by yall r stupid on 04/03/02


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